Strategies for Handling Mobbing

FOR THE DAUGHTER VICTIMS:

• Tell someone you trust, immediately, that you are being bullied by
  your family and that they are escalating their emotional cut-offs
  and attacks. The focus of this relationship should be for the trusted
  individual to believe you and support your self-respect and dignity.
  This person should provide you with a reality check so the responsibility
  is placed where it belongs: on your biological kin who are
  working together as a group to bully you.
• Find support groups, an international organization for protection,
  or programs to recognize that you are being mobbed by your
  family and people associated with them. It is key that these entities
  provide you with options for building support in your community,
  new personal ties, and a sense of safety.
• Bring your support person with you if you wish or need to have
  contact with your family. Do not go it alone.
• Write a list of behaviors, incidences, words, and the dates on which
  they occurred for your own records so you can remind yourself
  of what occurred that has been so devastating. Families deny and
  minimize their behaviors. Having such a written record can keep
  your focus in the immediate aftermath of mobbing when daughters
  are so often told everything is their fault.
• If you are geographically close to family members who you may
  run into in the community, consider moving to another town, if it
  is at all feasible. Not only can this proximity be a trauma trigger for
  you, but it allows family members to keep up their attacks for many
  years after the initial mobbing.
  
• FOR INDIVIDUAL FAMILY MEMBERS WITNESSING
  THE MOBBING:
• Act quickly to intervene. Speak with the initiator (usually the
  mother) in person, if you can, or at least by telephone.
• Try not to get into the issue itself, but affirm that working the
  matter out is the best way to keep the family together and happy.
• Remind the mother of how much she loves her daughter and how
  important that relationship is to her.
• Gently check the initiator’s false or overblown perceptions with
  more factual information.
• Ask the initiator what they really want to have happen; how they
  are feeling about the conflict; and how they believe resolution can
  happen. Take notes!
• Tell them you will be sharing this information with the daughter,
  then do so.
  Share with the initiator how the daughter is feeling, how much they
  love their mother/initiator, and how they want the matter resolved.
• If this is too much involvement and the situation seems irresolvable,
  family members can tell the initiator directly: “I am not participating
  and will not listen to any negativity about my family member whom
  I love and thought that you did too.” Then make sure you follow
  through and do not listen. Change the subject on the telephone; in
  person, leave the room when the initiator starts their litany.
  
• FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY:
• Tell the initiator together, as a group, or individually, at different
  times, that you will not participate in the mobbing or listen to slander
  of the daughter/target. Work together to be clear to the initiators
  so you are conveying the same message: “Stop it, now.”
• Present a unified front to the initiator. Do not let them divide you.
• Continue to invite the daughter to family gatherings. If she will
  not attend out of fear of attack by the initiator, continue to openly
  invite her but be willing to visit with her at another time.
• Keep the target present on your social media outlets. It is especially
  important that you include photos and mentions.
• When you are pressured by the initiator to cut off the target, directly
  refuse, then change the subject. Do not escalate the negativity.
• Frequently share your experiences with each other, stay in close
  contact. How is the initiator responding? Is there headway?
• Continue to speak about the target, who remains in your life, in
  the presence of the initiator. Allow them to participate and do not
  create drama about it.
• Be gentle with one another, be open to discussion, and refrain from
  emotional escalation and judgements of either the initiator or targeted
  daughter.
• Remember, you are not taking sides; instead, you are standing in
  loving loyalty to support family unity and keep relationships open.